Keith and Tami Kiser on thier wedding day!

We Waited - and so can you!

By Keith Kiser

    Amazing as this may sound, Tami and I were both virgins when we got married. It wasn’t easy – let me tell you – but we’re glad we waited!
    We started dating in the ninth grade and dated for seven years before we were married. As our love and commitment grew, sexual temptations became a real struggle. We were both practicing Christians who wanted to please God. But, even though God said “No,” our bodies were shouting “Yes!” And it seemed our bodies were screaming louder!

Resisting Sexual Temptations

    Hormones were racing! We wanted to wait, but our flesh was saying “go for it.” TV, movies and music made matters worse. Their messages encouraged “sex, sex and more sex.” Our conviction to wait was weakening. Sexual impurity, leading toward intercourse, was destroying our relationship. Pain, sin, guilt, and confusion were breaking us apart.

    On the brink of disaster, we made a commitment to save sex for marriage and to pray together regularly. We reinforced our decision by reading a book together about maintaining sexual purity in a dating relationship. Committed to chastity, we
helped each other fight sexual temptations. It was hard at times, but we developed great discipline and respect for each other. A new openness and trust grew in our relationship and our love flourished and deepened.

    Now we can gratefully say that when we finally got married, we were both virgins. We can’t tell you how great our honeymoon was – and we won’t! Let’s just say it was worth the wait. We had struggled, but we won the battles and we’re both happier, stronger and more in love because we waited.

“One Flesh” – What’s That Like?

    Tami and I share everything – our worldly possessions, our thoughts, our dreams, our emotions, our fears, our pains, our prayers, our entire selves. Sharing our bodies is the physical expression of our total giving to each other. Sex is not only a sign of our love, it also unites and bonds us like a human super-glue, giving us grace and strength to overcome adversity.

    When a couple becomes “one flesh,” it’s the most intimate “knowing” possible. Not only do you bare your body, but you also bare your emotions and your soul. This giving of your most private self, and the receiving of your spouse’s most private
self, are magnificent privileges. But if either partner can “walk away,” the gift and privilege are misused and cheapened. Love means wanting the very best for a person forever. To have sex without the committed love of marriage hurts and usually
destroys the entire relationship.

    Sex also brings forth babies as a sign of the love between a husband and wife. Isn’t it incredible that a spiritual and physical union of love can create new life? Imagine that – two people so in love that their gift to each other creates a new child – a new
person – a son or daughter like you and me with a soul that will live forever. (Pretty cool! Co-creators with God!)

    And babies need strong families with loving mothers and fathers. That’s the ideal situation and that’s one reason God designed sex specifically for married couples. Sex is for bonding and babies, and before marriage, these both have painfully
grave consequences.

What Should you do if You’ve Already Started?

    We realize that you may already be having sex and you’re wondering why after giving so much of yourself, your relationship is still floundering. Just because you’re having sex, it doesn’t mean you’re giving your “all” or receiving their “all.” Even if two people say they love each other, they’re not really giving their all if they haven’t publicly vowed to commit their entire lives to each other, “Until death do us part.”

    Outside of marriage, sexual intimacy usually indicates that at least one party is acting without self-control in a selfish or dishonest manner. This destroys the relationship by becoming a wedge and a stumbling block to the development of mature
love. Premarital sex guarantees you that sooner or later, you’ll have a major communication breakdown.

    To resuscitate your current relationship and to protect your future marriage, you need to stop all sexual activity immediately, including all foreplay. Give your love a fighting chance to deepen and flourish. It may seem impossible at first, but you can do it! You and your current flame (and your future spouse and your children) will be very grateful that today you made a commitment to save sex for marriage. And if you’ve already made this commitment – congratulations!

Source: The Incredible Gift! The Truth about Love and Sex, by Keith and Tami Kiser, Our Sunday Visitor Publishing Division, Inc., 1996.

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