Keith and Tami Kiser on thier wedding day!
We Waited - and so can you!
By Keith Kiser
Amazing as this may sound, Tami and I were both virgins
when we got married. It wasn’t easy – let me tell you – but we’re
glad we waited!
We started dating in the ninth grade and dated for
seven years before we were married. As our love and commitment grew, sexual
temptations became a real struggle. We were both practicing Christians
who wanted to please God. But, even though God said “No,” our bodies were
shouting “Yes!” And it seemed our bodies were screaming louder!
Resisting Sexual Temptations
Hormones were racing! We wanted to wait, but our
flesh was saying “go for it.” TV, movies and music made matters worse.
Their messages encouraged “sex, sex and more sex.” Our conviction to wait
was weakening. Sexual impurity, leading toward intercourse, was destroying
our relationship. Pain, sin, guilt, and confusion were breaking us apart.
On the brink of disaster, we made a commitment to
save sex for marriage and to pray together regularly. We reinforced our
decision by reading a book together about maintaining sexual purity in
a dating relationship. Committed to chastity, we
helped each other fight sexual temptations. It was hard at times, but
we developed great discipline and respect for each other. A new openness
and trust grew in our relationship and our love flourished and deepened.
Now we can gratefully say that when we finally got
married, we were both virgins. We can’t tell you how great our honeymoon
was – and we won’t! Let’s just say it was worth the wait. We had struggled,
but we won the battles and we’re both happier, stronger and more in love
because we waited.
“One Flesh” – What’s That Like?
Tami and I share everything – our worldly possessions,
our thoughts, our dreams, our emotions, our fears, our pains, our prayers,
our entire selves. Sharing our bodies is the physical expression of our
total giving to each other. Sex is not only a sign of our love, it also
unites and bonds us like a human super-glue, giving us grace and strength
to overcome adversity.
When a couple becomes “one flesh,” it’s the most
intimate “knowing” possible. Not only do you bare your body, but you also
bare your emotions and your soul. This giving of your most private self,
and the receiving of your spouse’s most private
self, are magnificent privileges. But if either partner can “walk away,”
the gift and privilege are misused and cheapened. Love means wanting the
very best for a person forever. To have sex without the committed love
of marriage hurts and usually
destroys the entire relationship.
Sex also brings forth babies as a sign of the love
between a husband and wife. Isn’t it incredible that a spiritual and physical
union of love can create new life? Imagine that – two people so in love
that their gift to each other creates a new child – a new
person – a son or daughter like you and me with a soul that will live
forever. (Pretty cool! Co-creators with God!)
And babies need strong families with loving mothers
and fathers. That’s the ideal situation and that’s one reason God designed
sex specifically for married couples. Sex is for bonding and babies, and
before marriage, these both have painfully
What Should you do if You’ve Already Started?
We realize that you may already be having sex and
you’re wondering why after giving so much of yourself, your relationship
is still floundering. Just because you’re having sex, it doesn’t mean you’re
giving your “all” or receiving their “all.” Even if two people say they
love each other, they’re not really giving their all if they haven’t publicly
vowed to commit their entire lives to each other, “Until death do us part.”
Outside of marriage, sexual intimacy usually indicates
that at least one party is acting without self-control in a selfish or
dishonest manner. This destroys the relationship by becoming a wedge and
a stumbling block to the development of mature
love. Premarital sex guarantees you that sooner or later, you’ll have
a major communication breakdown.
To resuscitate your current relationship and to protect
your future marriage, you need to stop all sexual activity immediately,
including all foreplay. Give your love a fighting chance to deepen and
flourish. It may seem impossible at first, but you can do it! You and your
current flame (and your future spouse and your children) will be very grateful
that today you made a commitment to save sex for marriage. And if you’ve
already made this commitment – congratulations!
Source: The Incredible Gift! The Truth about Love and Sex, by Keith
and Tami Kiser, Our Sunday Visitor Publishing Division, Inc., 1996.